Distraction

Joseph Kaiser’s Lensky Aria “Kuda kuda…” makes me move to tears. Sometimes it does, and this time, Kaiser’s voice stabs my heart like a sharpened blade. Why? Maybe I know or maybe not. I recalled some of my friends, though I don’t like to put out their names. I’m in the mood of nothing. Absolutely for nothing!

Dimitri. . . I thought I knew him so well, but now I don’t have any confidence in it. Perhaps I don’t have known him at all. I regarded him as the person who would receive my note left behind after my death. I used to write to him whenever the death came up my mind, though I’ve never sent it. He deserved to it because he was the most intelligent and warmest one of my friends. He tolerated everything from me, he really did. I cannot imagine another. The very act of writing supported me to overcome deadly thoughts, so I could survive. From some time ago, I could have lived for myself and became not to write the dead note anymore. Dimitri has remained as ever been beside me, though. But no more he does.

I’m all of confusion. Kaiser’s Lensky makes me cry. It seems not Lensky but me who would die soon.

Brit…