Dilemma

These days I’ve been overpowered by total confusion. Being harassed with the anxiety of consequences, I’m caught between Scylla and Charybdis. Regardless to say, I myself called for it, and so deserve it. No one would be blamed but me. Sometimes I deplorably forget my pride about work and to people as if being possessed by terrible amnesia. Maybe the worsening situation inflates my psychological degeneration.

I thought I gave up all things which I desired but could not take. Naturally they must have been abandoned, but at some moments I find myself again within the rubbish as before. Their horrible stink contaminates my soul and consequently deteriorates my psyche, so that I feel wretched more and more. There’s no capacity in me to deal with the wretchedness. Continually staggering, I’m getting bogged down in an abyss of despair. Miserable I am! What am I supposed to do?

The sun rises again but not the same one as yesterday. I completely lost yesterday’s light and today’s rising sun has wider shadow overwhelming my brightness. I feel I’m getting darkened and becoming blind day after day. There's no start and no end. Even if any, it cannot be perceived. Everything goes into nothingness, even though I hope to stick to something or somethingness.

Brit…