Crossing

1. Fake Reality or Inaccessible Fantasy

Now and then in front of P, I feel like talking to the wall. He gives no answer and no temper, absolutely no reaction to my grumbling—often sarcastic. He would be angry or depressed, because I would purposely do such things—to provoke his temper, but he totally controls it all the time. It is always I who first get sulky. Soon I become exhausted with so many thoughts which torture my mind. I might be a helpless idiot or dummy, really I am a fool. At then, I remind of Echo, one of tragic figures in Greek mythology, who never get a reply except her own voice. The poor Echo, I feel like her. Can’t the reality be grabbed by me, which lies between P and me? Maybe he is not my reality and I delude myself he is. Perhaps he is a man whom my imagination created. I think I’ll have to say good-bye to him. I can’t/mustn’t love him.

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2. Diversion: A part of real life today

Hun phoned me after about three months. He said he wanted to buy me decent lunch, but I didn't want expensive one. We had seafood spaghetti and vegetable salad, talking incessantly. The topic was mostly about me, my dissertation and my tough days, and also about music and literature. I often become talkative when I talk about my favourites. Thankfully Hun usually likes listening to me and even he encourages my talkativeness.

After lunch we’ve been to Karaoke because I’d eagerly like to sing. I thought that singing could reduce my increased stress. I urged him to come together and he was willing to do. For more than three hours I’ve sung, calling out my old repertoires. Hun, with smile on his face, patiently listened to my singing—he sang only three songs. Walking our beautiful campus together in the evening was a bonus. Thank him so much! He assumed the very company at the very moment I needed one. Finally I gave my today away to diversion and robbed a day from him.

Brit…