Stalemate

The verbal articulation of mind is difficult indeed. The speaking words once uttered helplessly get entangled as mind gets messy and perplexed. Words can hardly make oneself understood properly. Then we write letters but they aren’t perfect, either. Michael once talked about easing of relationship and I stubbornly refuted the attitude though apparently knew what he meant. I might have just shifted some emotional burden of mine on to Michael by contradicting him. Or maybe I found someone I knew in Michael, even though the two were absolutely strangers and different from each other. I was not angry with Michael but with the other.

Their thoughts about the relationship conflict with each other. One is totally different from the other, but both are emotionally responsible for each other. It is not important that who first provoked and started the war. Definitely they started at the same time. Now the problem is that they cannot stop the battles and often embarrassingly hurt each other on their own whims. Nevertheless, they don’t want to lose each other and that is more serious problem. Maybe one has thought that the other could be changed (deluding themselves in many respects). Seemingly they don’t want to face the situation as it is. Even if they finally face it, though, and it’s probably hard to make themselves be rationalised. We can say that they love each other, as far as we recognise that love has two contrary faces. They mightn’t know how to deal with each other in their minds. At least there is something they don’t perceive, let alone absurdity and arrogant pride. They cannot be everyone in their minds.

Everything would go on as ever with nothing changed. The war game would be going on, too. Someday they would consume all the feeling and become tired. Then the exhausted souls will put their arms down and regret lost time with which they could share for many things together. On that day, the two broken hearts would cry for the precious illusions that they had to make realised in their lives. Therefore, they would have to dream further.

Brit…

(30 March 2011)