Sang a Song

I’ve been deadly ill with flu for three days and nights. Fever, sick and all my body ached. Much worried about that I could not sing at Professor Chung’s retirement reception, which he eagerly wanted me to. I almost recovered by Saturday afternoon, but cough remained and became husky. Anyhow I could sing for him, though it did not meet my satisfaction. In good condition, I could show much more, give more impression to the audience.

I sang “You light up my life”, Debby Boone’s old song without accompaniment. In fact, “You light up my life” is a song that I shared for my professor Bae. I wanted to sing the song for him, because he has really backed me up. His retirement leaves ten years more, however, at then I’ll count on my sixties. Perhaps I’ll have no chance to sing for him. Ridiculous it’ll be if a woman of almost sixties would sing such a song for a man?!

Yesterday I thought it was my last chance for such singing, so sang the song. I think it’s a reasonable song at teachers’ retirement reception, since teachers guide students like a lighthouse and professors are teachers. Professor Chung is also my guide though not my thesis supervisor. I appreciate him for his concern and affection. I know he cares for me. Thank God I’m beloved.

Brit…

PS.)

A song of reserved for the reception! What a super woman I was! It was a very short interval of amazing revitalisation, nobody knew I was ill, but soonest I fell down on bed after that. Going on lying in sickbed with Ringer’s solution till today, I’m almost recovering now and tomorrow may go to school again. (Added on 27 April)

Exhausted Day

I took nosebleed for snivelling.

Everything which irritates me depends on my management. It’s all up to me, and no one can replace me. Frequently I feel some emotional oscillation between uplift and downcast. When suffering from swinging unstableness of mind, I wonder if I’m a manic-depressive psychosis.

Life often seems to go beyond my will and expectation. It is so arbitrary that it may look sporting over me. The life-devil, the dark and negative face of life, uses depression as one of its playing tools, which the tools are its arms to fight against me. Depression produces all the unexpected or haphazard illness. I know all that, nevertheless, can’t help it now and then. I cannot be knelt down to it, however. Even though it is deadly hard to overcome it, I can’t lose. Avec ma solitude, I’ll stand tall.

Wilful it is, yet I must be happy. When feeling like crying, I’ll cry loudly under my pillow, and then regain smile.

Brit…

English Conversation

English conversation is always my hot potato. It claims immediate reactions, so doesn’t allow time for me to think over proper words and expression fitting to situations. I need time to hit upon answers, to select fit words, and to shape passable sentences, however. Thus I often miss right moments to speak and make steps-delayed articulations.

Having lunch with Wallace yesterday, I felt like being a dummy. I got much to tell him, but didn’t cover my thought with words. Clumsiness at speaking foreign language always snatches words away from my lips and disturbs me in keeping up with my mind. My speaking [in English] was steps-delayed as ever, and most words which I intended to were at a standstill on the tip of my tongue. Wallace used to complete my unspoken words or correct my wrong-structured sentences, in doing so, he usually makes me comfortable, but I become distracted now and then. Of course, he knows I’m sensitive regarding this issue.

I wish conversing can be comfortable like writing. Even in Korean, sometimes I feel easy at writing more than at speaking. ‘Face to face’ or eye contact makes my head stiff, I think, so I frequently feel awkward. Some indescribable anxiety would block my way, and I, and my eyes, get lost. English makes it worse at any time. How and when I can naturally converse in English?

Brit…