Diverted day

1. Lovely Maria dropped by for lunch. This morning, I was about to skip my lunch with some snacks, but willing to go out with Maria since I’ve wanted to buy her lunch. Maria looked more composed and confident than before. I love it. I want her to feel comfortable in this foreign country. May happy memory only be in her heart! She looks younger than her age (twenty-years-younger-than-I), and I think it is due to her delicacy and sincerity. I like her and I’m happy to have known her.

2. Tomáš wrote back to me, though I didn’t expect it. He gave me friendly reaction. It’s fantastic indeed. I’ve ever posted some dear comments about him on my blog since I liked his skating and was impressed with his personality. Really he is the boy I’ve recognised, he didn’t make me disappointed. Even if he wouldn’t request me, I would still love his skating, but he made more, being might-be-himself.

3. Is there any meaning in the questions unanswered? I don’t know (maybe I don’t want to know). It might depend on persons or situations. Sticking to them itself is ridiculous (looks insane). Forgetting is the first solution at any case, I know. Nevertheless, I am often unduly depressed. Absurd I am! The problem is that I myself don’t know my mind.

Brit…

Doubt or Misunderstanding

Is it a difficult question to answer? I don’t know, but I don’t think so.

Every question has its reason and every answer does. The reasons between question and answer may not match or concern with each other, but you can express any of your own. Being accepted or rejected is the second matter. The important thing is that there should be a reaction in the form of answering as far as it is waited for, even though the answer doesn’t seem to be desirable--or it would be a disappointing one. Every question expects to be answered. If you are avoiding it, you might be a coward.

Sometimes ‘not to react’ is likely to be a solution to escape from embarrassing/troubled situation, but simultaneously--and definitely, the ignoring would hurt someone whom it may concern. Silence begets numerous misunderstanding, as eloquent excuse considerably does doubt. Doubt is usually simple, while misunderstanding is often complicated. They have similar effect, though, making situation worse. Do you know that? Doubt or misunderstanding can be easily taken off, but we need to make us palpable for that. Once internalised in one’s mind, doubt or misunderstanding roots and grows down there inside and transforms the original nature from which it derived, and you’ll find an absolute stranger in it. The stranger would be an irresistible agony through your life. I know what it is like.

Ambiguity follows you in nine cases out of ten even when you try to be palpable all the time, and so you don’t have to be purposely ambiguous.

Brit…

Standing in need of

There is no friend in need. I think I’ve lived wrong.

I don’t want to be an alternative or a second choice at any case. If I am, I’ll be disconnected. The second choice is not my nature. If I am the second choice of someone, I don't need anyone as true friend or lover (especially as for lover). That was why I left him long time ago. I thought I was offended and hurt my pride with all his excuses. I could not stand the situation in which I thought I didn’t deserve. No matter whether it was true or not, the most important thing was that I felt so. I’ve always wanted sincerity and consistency. Even if the virtues would not be fulfilled, there would have to be perseverance in efforts for them. Recognised or not, he frustrated my trust and I could not accept it. I am/have been usually tolerant and considerate for others—their mistakes or their feelings, but I, too, have limits. When something or someone goes beyond my limits, I cannot but renounce the link with. . .

Brit…

P.S)

I just needed a friend in need. That’s all. You’re not there whenever I really needed you. I thought we’ve shared a kind of connection. Now I find that it’s totally my misunderstanding. I’ve committed the fallacy of interpretation.