Consuming Emotion

(Written on 14 Nov. in the early afternoon)

I’m trying to elevate my mood but not easy as always, especially for today. Meddling in Michael’s work, the more I struggle to be jolly, the wider vacuum I feel in my heart as ever. My emotion has consumed too much and I wonder how much it remains. Uncountable error set my life on fire into ashes and now I’m too tired to defend myself any longer.

What can I say and what shall I do? Where do I have to draw a line between all the two—between life/dream or reality/fantasy, or us? Once I thought I did somewhere, soon it blurred. I repeatedly draw it following after blurring. I’m constantly doing the useless thing. How far can my dream—maybe fantasy or imagination penetrate into my reality? Even can it be done? Though getting older, still I often stick to impossibility, which is any kind of. Perhaps more and more I become insane.

I think I’ll have to efface all of my history, particularly about relationships. It seems that I didn’t remove any of them yet. The eraser in my head is always working wrong on confusing its stuffs, must-be-erased and must-not-be-erased. It pushes me at a loss perplexed between remembering and forgetting.

Brit…