In the afternoon—some moments later, I’ll have my dissertation examined by five judges. It is the first of the processing, the scheduled three times’ examinations. I've prepared much and done my best in writing it and so have confidence in me and my work. Nevertheless, I’m slyly strained because I know all the judges usually try to find probable fault or defect somehow, whatever it appears. My judging professors consist of one woman from the department of English Education and four men including my supervisor—our college’s Dean. Two of them are separately from other universities, one of whom is from Sookmyung Women’s University in Seoul. I don't know much about the two guest judges and maybe that’s one of the reasons which make me feel particular nervousness.
This morning I played the child to P in a mail, making a fuss about my emotional state. Perhaps he chuckled at my exaggeration, but I needed nerves-soothing even though with flattery. It seemed to me that some sweet talk from P could help me relax. Of course, I could/can deal with it myself without a soother and definitely P would know it, too. I want him pat me on the back tenderly with smiling greenish eyes, though. I know it’s totally impossible thing now! Today he would not come here till evening, and I would go out for dinner with the judges after the examination.
Brit. . .
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